This is the first post in what will be a five-part series. I’m thinking about my time in the Bahamas, reflecting a bit now that I’ve been back almost 48 hours. What a good ass time. I cannot wait to have all 5 parts out to tell the complete story, from my perspective, of the family vacation. It was our first time in the Caribbean, and my second time at an all-inclusive (I’ll tell the Cancun Spring Break 2k14 story another time…). I had a blast and I hope you enjoy hearing about it!
My Dad is the man. He hooked the fam squad up with First Class seats round trip so we could start the trip with some R&R and wind it down with some R&R. We got meals, free everything, and most importantly: leg room for days!
We board the plane first, we don’t have any luggage except the personal item because we checked our stuff, so it was Easy Street (Walking Dead reference).
I’m real hesitant because I ordered the Lasagna, which is a total wild card on a plane. It comes out looking real good, with Ricotta cheese inside, a nice warm roll, and a nice side salad with a pretty good dressing. I’m in heaven. I asked the Flight Attendant for their beer options to start the trip off right. The. List. Was. Terrible. I opted for a Dos Equis because it was either that or Heineken and the rest was crap. If American Airlines reads this, listen closely. Swap out two of your crappy Bud Lights in the storage area for another Anheuser-Busch beer called Goose Island IPA. Let the Craft Beer guys riding in First Class enjoy themselves.
Nevertheless, I polished the Dos Equis and the food and kicked it with some Podcasts the rest of the way.
Customs in the Bahamas
We get to the Customs area and the line is pretty long. We wait our time and thank god we got there when we did because the line multiplied by 3 about 5 minutes after us. Thankfully, the Bahamian airport thought it’d be a great idea to put a band in the customs area to treat the tourists to some sweet island tunes like:
- Somewhere Over the Rainbow
- Margaritaville again
- And a few others (we were there a long time)
The band wasn’t great, but I was so amped to be in a warm-weather island that I was enjoying every damn word of Margaritaville.
Another wild thing about Customs is they were playing the same commercials on the wide paneling TV above Customs. It was variations of Sands, a local beer (didn’t try it). The commercial featured different claymation characters which huge heads, way too skinny bodies, and awkwardly large teeth. It was funny at first, but around the 7th time it start to freak me the hell out. Here is one of them.
Shout out to the Customs lady though who was super nice and friendly and welcoming. That line was intimidating, but she made sure she smiled and welcomed us. Totally different than the States.
Checking into the Hotel
We arrived at the hotel and holy hell was it beautiful on the outside and inside. Everything I had hoped for. We go up to the special area for our check-in, called the Level area. It is a nice room with some snacks, drinks, sodas, whatever you want while you wait to check-in. And boy was it a wait. For it being the first experience in the hotel, I’m thinking like a common-sense business guy here. By the time we got up to check-in, here are my thoughts why it took so long.
- The guy had asked for our passports, which is fine. He then had to walk downstairs to the normal check-in area to scan/copy them. Wouldn’t it make sense to have a scanner/printer in the nicer check-in area?
- There were two desks and it seemed they were borrowing each other’s stuff, like scissors, paperwork to sign, etc. Each desk should be stocked with their own stuff everyday at the start of everyday.
- The bands for your all-inclusive have to be clamped and cut. Each time you do that, it adds up. They were nice and comfy and stylish to a degree though so I didn’t mind this.
- They needed more than 2 desks.
My recommendation: Honestly, all of the paperwork could be organized in the morning into little folders to hand to each visitor in an organized efficient way and the person can then go over each thing with the visitor themselves to make it more seamless and take less than 5 minutes.
We have two beers on the resort. This is called burying the lead here folks. A beer blog waiting a few sections of a blog post to talk about the beer on the vacation. I call that smart. You’re now invested in this 5 part series. High Five Bill!
Kalik could best be described in my opinion as a island version of a Budweiser. Not the best beer in the world, but certainly drinkable and definitely light which bodes well for the weather. I gave this beer a 2.25/5 on Untappd. But it is a cool name and being all-inclusive it was free so I won’t complain!
Similar to it’s “brother beer”, the lighter version is even lighter, which makes it comparable to Bud Light in the U.S. It wasn’t my favorite at all, I gave it a 2/5 on Untappd. The light bottle looked something like a Natural Light bottle, which was interesting. Notice the inverse coloring of the font, but how close they look…
The people on Day 1 were some of the most interesting people I could ever describe. I don’t know if it was because I was in a new environment and more aware of my surroundings or something else.
We hit the beach after getting settled, so we saw some European people. One was a Dad and his 2 year old son. They were wearing speedos. Leave the kid alone Mr. Dad. Let him be a normal person and not wear a speedo on the beach when everyone else is wearing some form of short. This is like wearing whitey-tighties to a boxer convention. Not. Acceptable.
The second guy I saw was my favorite and I’ll try to describe him the best that I can. He was a man with tattoos. No judgment from me….EXCEPT for the one tattoo that was the most clever, funny, embarrassing tattoos I have ever seen. He was a larger man for the imagery. His tattoo was of suspenders on his body. BUT, instead of the suspenders “clipping” / stopping at the waist line area, they were pretend-clipped at his nipples! Let that sink in. The guy tattooed freaking suspenders on his body and had the front side be detailed enough to show a clip and it was “on” his nipples. Imagine that pain. Imagine the laughter taking your shirt off with your bros. Imagine taking your shirt off with a lady for the first time. How do you explain this one? Here is a drawing of my best attempt to describe it. (Note: I am not an artist) If anyone knows this guy, have him email me.
The final guy was a positive note. He was a hotel employee who wasn’t a bartender, but was helping out. Good guy, met me immediately and hooked me up with drinks. I came back after a Strawberry Daq and he was like you’re trying Mango this time. I tried it and damn was it good. Tried it the next day, no one else could make it the same. Shout out to that guy.
Look out for Part II coming out later this week to talk about the rest of the trip!