#BlogLife / Review / Travel / Weekend Update

Bahamas Blog – Part V

This is the fourth post in what will be a five-part series. Check out the first post here: 

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

So this is it. the final post regarding my Bahamas trip. Do you tired of it yet? Do you love it? Are you excited to read this last bit about my final day on the island? Are you sporting a half mast for my dude readers? Get ready, because the post starts here.


I don’t think I have talked enough about breakfast on my previous four blogs. I’m going to go in and explain the buffet and what I did. My entire plate was 90% bacon, 10% waffle, and another 10% fruits. Yes that is 110%, that is how full my plate was. I was not leaving any bacon strip behinds. It was pretty good if I do say as well. A great final meal in Nassau.


For the final hoorah, we went kayaking. I was sporting the solo kayak. It was sooo much easier than the paddle board. I got to roam around for about a half hour in the ocean, see the bottom 3 feet below, and just enjoy being on the water. It was super fun! I would highly recommend kayaking to anyone who hasn’t tried it. It can be super relaxing on the water, almost zen-like.

Bahama Mama

There was this guy everyday walking up and down the beach screaming about coconut drinks. One of the options was a Bahama Mama. I’ve heard of a ton of fruity drinks, and for every one I do know, there are about 1000 that I don’t. Bahama Mama was not one I was familiar with. I googled it, then ordered it from our server on the beach. It has 151 rum in it. It is so delicious. I crushed a bunch of them throughout the day. Such a fruity drink, not frozen, but definitely quenches my thirst in the hot Bahamian sun.

Foam Party

Yes, you read that right. There was a freaking foam party at the resort. They got the foam machine out of the closet and filled the adult pool with foam. Naturally I want to crush another Bahama Mama. The guy at the pool bar makes it 40% 151 rum. Goodbye Beer Belly Bill. Adios amigo. The foam was legit. I can’t believe how they did it, and how fun it was! People were getting very turnt up. I went to take a gentlemanly walk to the restroom/lavatory/pisser/bathroom/men’s room/”for a walk”, and there is a guy in the first stall, with a female employee aiding him, making sure he is alright. He has the trashcan in front of him. I do my bizz, and I’m listening to the following. I kid you not, this is what the guy said, “I swear lady, I’m a paramedic back where I’m from. I’m from the United States of America. I know what to do when someone is drunk. Leave me here. I have my water lady. I just need to puke and pass out.” Dude screaming he’s a paramedic is the WILDEST thing to say when you are that obliterated. Do paramedic experience transfer over when you cross part of an ocean? A little while later, we see a lady in her late 20’s outside of the bathroom area drunk out of her mind. They were going to call the actual Bahamian paramedics on this one, not the other guy who thinks he could probably help. Just a wild time. Which leads me to the next story…

Drunk Irish Girl

So I think I have explained this before. We splurged and upgraded to get the more exclusive part of the beach. There was an Irish couple on the beach. The girl at one point had explained she had epilepsy and shouldn’t be drinking. She was absolutely crushing cranberry and vodka’s. All day. She got obliterated to the point where her husband was kind of avoiding her at the pool party. She was on the rafts, meeting new people, telling everyone she loved them. Let me say this, when a girl with an Irish brogue in her 30’s says she loves people, it is the coolest accent ever.
Also, I don’t know the usual bathing attire in Ireland, even though I am Irish and probably should know, but she was in a thong bikini. Yeah….drunk + thong bikini = not the best sights constantly. I think I’m allowed to say that in 2017 right? I was polite enough? I do have Irish readers so maybe she is one of them?

Black Angus

Black Angus was the non-inclusive steak house. It was sooo freaking delicious to have a high-quality steak with some beer and wine. Just absolutely the best way to conclude the trip. I had this Black Truffle Butter and it was phenomenal! While we were waiting to get in though, there were some guys who were playing with the sign. I’ll drop this picture here for those who want to see what they were doing.
Black Anus.JPG

Spanish Elevator Girl 

I’m riding the elevator alone. There are no witnesses to back me up on this, but I don’t lie. This is non-bullshit. There was a Spanish family on the elevator with me. That’s cool whatever. We’re going almost the full height of the elevator downwards. It is a dad, a girl who is maybe 13, and an even younger one who is like 4. The youngest one taps her dad so that she can whisper in his ear. Listen when you are on an elevator I have this philosophy. You maybe nod your head when someone enters, and once the door closes, you stare straight forward or down at your phone. That is it. No interaction whatsoever unless you know 100% of the passengers. We all know how 4 year olds whisper. Extremely loud. She whispers something really fast. I haven’t taken Spanish since Sophomore year of college. I just learned the bold words. I worked with some Mexicans when I bussed tables in high school. I can pick out words is what I’m trying to say. I could pick out 2 words: “Americano” and “Modelo”. In English, those are “American Model”. How do I know she was talking about me? She looked over after she said it and her dad looked up directly at me too and smiled because he knew I heard and understood. Yeah, little Spanish girl thought I looked like someone on TV or a magazine or in a movie or something. Made my freaking day.

Late Night Activities

The hotel after dinner had some Karaoke. There were a few standouts from the crowd. A few duds as usual. A couple drunk dudes did an electric Sweet Caroline, which I called as a “must have”. Then there were 2 songs that stood out by some super talented staff at the hotel: “Angel” and “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy. One dude sounded EXACTLY like Shaggy. The other dude had a pretty solid voice for the singing parts. Oh my god was I in heaven here. A little buzz from the foam party and I’m jamming to some absolute tunes from my childhood. Then after that was over, we went to the tapas bar for some more drinking. Wagon Wheel came on. Of course I’m screaming that one at the top of my lung. Wagon Wheel is an all-time classic. We see another girl at the tapas bar absolutely wasted, making the day’s tally 4. We go upstairs to go to bed, she is passed out in the hallway with 3 people just staring at her – her boyfriend/brother/male guy who carried her up, and two older people. C’mon man, get her in her room so she isn’t embarrassed. That’s just rough. She was maybe 100 lbs soaking wet. I offered to help, they denied it. All a good samaritan can do is ask.

Thank you for reading the concluding part of this 5-part series! I appreciate all of the love and support everyone has given me. In case you missed it, here are the first 4 parts.d

Part I 

Part II

Part III

Part IV

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