My fellow Americans, my fellow patriots. Happy freaking Independence Day! Let’s raise our glasses, full of beer, crush a few hot dogs and burgers, and rock out in the warm weather!
This is what America is all about. It was founded on the ideal that we could live without the taxation of the British, that we could become one nation standing for the people and their freedoms of religion and against oppression.
Today, we stand together, united. I want everyone to raise their beers up for America today, because it is truly the greatest nation. Cheers folks, enjoy!