News / Sports

Dallas Beer vs. Philly Beer showdown – Just like its football team, Dallas is behind Philadelphia when it comes to producing a trash-talking beer for thirsty sports fans.  A month after Weyerbacher Brewing in Easton, Pa., released its Dallas Sucks beer, a brewery in Dallas — Noble Rey Brewing Co. — announced Tuesday that it’s creating an “Eagle Tears” beer, to come out in early November.

By now, everyone knows of this feud between Weyerbacher of Philly suburb lore and a local Dallas brewery, Noble Rey Brewing. Weyerbacher made a “Dallas Sucks” beer to rip on the Cowboys. It was hilarious and the beer obviously stunk. Stay woke here folks, I think they purposefully made it stink because it was Dallas. Then Noble Rey goes out and returns the favor by introducing a gose named “Eagles Tears”, which I guess is supposed to be bitter like tears. I’m also going to stay woke here and spin zone this and say that maybe Noble Rey was a bit bitter about the “Dallas Sucks” beer. Get a little meta on you folks.


So what better way to celebrate rivalries than to create incredibly offensive names for beers for all 32 teams, including the Eagles and Cowboys? For the record I am a Houston Texans fan. I will not show them any mercy.

These are for free for any brewery to use:

  1. Green Bay Packers – Moldy Cheese
  2. Chicago Bears – Kissin’ Titties
    1. Mitch Trubisky’s tweet
  3. Minnesota Vikings – One-Eyed Mike
    1. Coach always getting eye surgery
  4. San Francisco 49ers – Take a Knee
    1. Need I say more #Kaep7
  5. Cleveland Browns – Next Man Up
    1. This is just going to be a beer with a list of all of their quarterbacks over the last decade or so.
  6. Baltimore Ravens – Ray Killed a Man…(Allegedly)
  7. Houston Texans – What Does JJ Watt Do Alone in a Cabin?
  8. LA Chargers – Attendance Record (LOL JK)
    1. Empty beer can, just like their attendance
  9. Seattle Seahawks – Legion of Gloom
  10. Denver Broncos – John Elway’s Horse Teeth
    1. Seriously, anyone notice this?!?!
  11. Jacksonville Jaguars – Blake Bortles’ Premature Bald Spot (Looking at you Monkish)
  12. Indianapolis Colts – My Owner Does NOT have a Drug Problem (Wink Wink…He Does)
    1. Jim Irsay definitely does blow off of hookers ass’s (Allegedly)
  13. Miami Dolphins – O Line? More Like Coke Line
  14. New England Patriots – This Beer Is Not Flat
  15. New York Jets – Butt Fumbler
  16. Dallas Cowboys – An Ale as Strong as Tony Romo’s Collarbone
    1. Hint: Not very strong
  17. Atlanta Falcons – YOU BLEW IT!
    1. 28-3
  18. Oakland Raiders – The Fans Put Blackface On…not racist?
  19. Philadelphia Eagles – I Will Not Pass Chip Kelly’s Urine Test After This Beer
  20. New York Giants – This Beer Can Get Stuck Between Strahan’s Teeth
  21. Washington Redskins – Name Subject to Change
  22. Los Angeles Rams – Stars Everywhere but on the Field
  23. Carolina Panthers – QB Loves Routes, Not Women
  24. New Orleans Saints – The Only Time We Ran Was From Katrina
  25. Detroit Lions – We Never Have Thanksgiving Off….Ever
  26. Pittsburgh Steelers – Don’t Go In the Family Bathroom at Target with Someone
  27. Arizona Cardinals – Perpetually Never Going to Win Anything
  28. Buffalo Bills – #BillsMafia is Dumb
  29. Cincinnati Bengals – When Your QB’s Hairand Team Colors Match!
  30. Tampa Bay Bucs – Free Crab Legs for Our QB
  31. Tennessee Titans – Jeff Fisher’s Mustache Hair Might have Been in this batch
  32. Kansas City Chiefs – Fat Andy Loves Beer



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